We can be failuresA few weeks ago I did a series of posts on how science is turning us all into superheroes. Since then the invisibility cloak has moved a lot closer to reality, complete with prototype designs and timeframes. Exciting? Heck yes! Typical? Far from it.
It's all well and good for us to want be like our superhero role models, but what about the others who never made it to greatness? Like everything else in life, for every successful superhero there are tenfold miserable failures. Here are a few superheroes who have tried and failed, and the world is worse off for it.
Condoman was meant to inspire condom use in frisky young people to prevent spreading AIDS and other horrendous diseases that aren't just for homosexuals anymore. So how did he go? AIDS is now rampant worldwide, Africa in particular is a diseased cesspool.
Oh Condoman, the world needs you! I haven't seen you since the early 90s, where have you been? Hang on... Condo-man. He's been living it up in Florida!
It's not like he can't make a difference; if this guy told me to wear a condom, I'd damn well wear a condom. Frankly he looks more likely to steal my television. I can't believe that I just said that. I'd like to say a big hello to my next wave of racist visitors.
Captain Planet, he's our hero. Though possibly not an actual captain, his job was to save our planet from the evil scourge of man. Illegal fishing? No problem. Development on a cultural site? Too easy.
And today? Global warming will end our way of life within the century, and that's for the lucky ones. The Amazon is still receding faster than Bruce Willis' hairline. Malcolm Turnbull is Minister for the Environment. Captain Planet has failed us and doomed the planet.
I wonder what Captain Planet would think of the world today, if he dared show his blue face. Good riddance.
Heard of her? I hadn't either. Apparently she had a comic in the 70s and was never heard from again. What does a failed superhero do to get noticed again? Change their hair? Get a new gyrocopter? No, Batwoman has done something more... marketable.
Batwoman has been reborn, as a lesbian. A hot, crimefighting lesbian. DC Comics has really nailed their target audience there. Grown nerds will be buying her comics just to see some hot, drawn, titty action. The more hot lesbians the better, but I've always been a Harley Quinn kind of guy.
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Captain Planet and his little cocksucking friends were a bunch of dicksucking penis slurpers.
Everytime those kids got in trouble they called on Captain Planet. Even as a young chap watching TV through the front windows of department stores on the streets of Helsinki, I thought the show gobbled cock.
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