In communist Russia, news reads you
Vladimir Putin: international man-about-town. Russians love him because he talks tough to the Americans, while the rest of the world loves him because he doesn't get drunk and sleep through diplomatic visits. One criticism that I've heard of him is that he's neutered the Russian media to the point where it's become a nationalist propaganda tool. What nonsense. Russia's best loved news 'source', Pravda, is a shining beacon for truth and integrity.
I consider myself a man of science, and working in the public service has given me plenty of time to read through the daily science news. It saddens me that the science and technology sections of the major news sites are being filled more and more with articles on the new iPod, or who's suing Microsoft this week. Science is supposed to be romantic, dramatic and wondrous, not a JB Hi-Fi catalogue. Thankfully, we have Pravda's science section to keep the faith. Let's see what's in the news today...
Read it! In one article, Pravda has conclusively proved that:
F-A-C-T. I'd like to see the BBC match this level of knowledgesmithing.
Read it! Telegony is the theory that a woman's children will always come from her first sexual partner. Some say that telegony was discredited in the 19th century, others say that it's the stupidest thing that they've ever heard of and is easily disproven. Thank god that Pravda is here to set the record straight.
Read it! Here's an insightful article on ghosts, those scallywags of modern life. Pravda even offers some handy hints for the mouthbreathing public...
The best way to get rid of a negative ghost that's in your home or business is an Exorcism. Sometimes if an attack is severe enough, a professional Exorcist is required to properly clear the home.
- An article in Pravda's SCIENCE section
I love this site. I could go on and on about how much more informed I am about the world, but I thought I'd let you all see for yourselves. Below is a screenshot of Pradva's science section on the day that I happened to visit it. Please keep in mind that this is the SCIENCE section.
Hemorrhoids unable to struggle against leeches and well-trained anus. The secret that big pharma doesn't want you to know!
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Newborn child may turn into 80 year old child within one year.
I think they may need some funding for the development of numeracy.
EXTRA EXTRA
not josh may grow horns in one day
silpheed may have anus warts
'may' is such a useful word.
I love this...
No one can say for sure if Nazis actually had contacts with aliens or not. Defense technology and economy experts state that at the end of the 1930s Germany possessed just 57 submarines, and over the four years of WWII it built 1,163 modern technologically advanced submarines at its dockyards and even put them into operation. How was that possible when Germans were short of materials for waging war, and under the condition of terrible bombing by allied forces?
QED man. I mean, it's not as if Germany had slave labourers or anything huh?
It's obvious what's happened here: The word "science" in russian roughly translates to "Weekly World News"
I wonder if the authors of the Nazi/Aliens story would be so kind as to provide the unknown variables for the Drake equation.
There is one branch of science you can't take anything away from the Russians in: Toxicology.
Re the Nazi stuff, one must not forget that Russia was anally raped by Hitler because Stalin fucked up a lot (poor strategy and by removing competent officers), and because the Russian villagers weren't too sad to see their 'communist cadre's' get lynched.
It was only when the SS and Gestapo replaced the Wehrmacht, who killed everyone, or deported them for slave labor (as mentioned above), that the Russian people realised that some things are worse than communism.
But hey, maybe it was Aliens after all, and Stalin did a bang up job defeating them AS WELL AS the Nazis.
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