Your day in courtI was going to do another of my 2001 posts, but there's something that needs to be written about before the mouth-breathing public forgets about it. Victorian Premier Steve Bracks resigned unexpectedly today, and that rightfully deserves front page headlines, but I want to talk about a piece of news that I don't quite know how to take.
Channel 7 has lost its court case against pretty much every other media outlet in the world which it blamed for killing off its C7 pay TV sports channel. Bor-ing, until you read how much both sides spent on lawyers: AUD$200 million. Let me say that again for dramatic effect: two hundred MILLION dollars *puts pinky finger in mouth*. Even the judge is disgusted at this amount of money.
Considering that the outcome of the case resulted in maintaining the status quo (i.e. not a thing was achieved), let's see how best that money could have been spent if the case had never happened.
The kind of prostitute that charges $2,000 a night and you pay for the dress, with no promise of sex. Let's do some quick figures. The case lasted a full year, and I'm assuming that the total number of legal staff for both sides would be about forty. That money could have been better spent on six and a half high-class escorts for every member of the legal staff for every day (including weekends) that the court case took. All parties would have been happy with that outcome.
The major issue in this court case centred on how Channel 7 wasn't able to secure the rights to broadcast AFL matches on pay TV. I think that the AFL is for retards, but here is a solution that would be even more popular than Ben Cousins at an airport customs checkpoint.
Assuming that an average AFL sports ground holds 40,000 people, and that an adult ticket is $25, $200 million would cover every available ticket to every match for the season and still have something left over for hot dogs. Channel 7 could literally put its viewers at the game, for every game.
It looks like that the G8 is underfunding its aid pledges to Africa this year by USD$3.1 billion. Taking into account the strong Australian dollar at the moment, AUD$200 million would buy 21 days worth of Bono's silence.
Conversely, that money would provide a Special Edition U2 iPod to 627,634 African children. It comes with a set of free U2 music clips, so now the children can be poor AND tortured.
Awwwwww.
That $200 million is pretty much equivalent to SBS's yearly revenue stream. With the stroke of a pen, Channel 7's combined ratings would make it the untouchable market leader, and what television station would pass up the opportunity to gobble up another? I'm sure the Federal Government would look the other way with respect to media cross-ownership laws, after all Channel 7 would be saving the Government a lot of money and cultural hassle.
If there's one thing that SBS's in-depth news coverage of the Middle Eastern conflict is missing, it's Kochie's folksy, heart-warming advice that we all just get along. I'd also pay to see the Rugby Union commentators calling the 'wogball'.
Frankly, wallpapering your toilet with hundred dollar notes is a better use of money than a court case that went nowhere. If you're going to take someone to court, and spend more money than the total economy of a west African nation in doing so, you'd better make damn sure that you'll win. Denny Crane.
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i wish they'd won, for the sole reason that if channel seven had the NRL, we wouldn't have to listen to Ben Ikin, Paul Harragon, Mario Fenech and Andrew Johns
I hate that fatuous bastard Kochie more than words can describe. What marketing drone at seven has such a low opinion of my intelligence that they thought I'd be interested in a self help book by that grinning fool?
I'd hazard a guess that people spending this amount of money seriously do NOT expect to lose. I'm quite sure that if they'd had a crystal ball they would've lined their own pockets with it instead. Hindsight is 20/20, but yeah, it's still a warm and fuzzy reminder of the greatness of capitalism. I think the important question here is WOULD YOU REALLY PAY $200 FOR A PUPPY?! You know ppl give em away for free, right?
Tommy - I don't know who those people are. This is proof "we" don't "have" to listen to them. And of course, there's always the mute button.
Mat - While i'm not sure what your personal details are, i'd wager that no marketroid actually DID have you in mind as Kochie's target audience. Unless you're a middle-aged-to-elderly "home-making" female with little to no formal education. The sad fact is, if there was no market for stupid shit, it wouldn't be able to exist, or at least not for very long. So blame the retards out there that think he's a loveable character and continue to send in their funny pet stories.
There, i think that's my devil's advocacy quota filled for today ;)
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