What the fuck is wrong with youI spent the election weekend at a sunny Queensland resort on an all expenses paid Christmas party junket. Some companies have light drinks after their extra long Christmas Eve shift, mine has a non-stop booze session complete with golf buggies.
I knew that I wasn't going to be able catch a lot of the live election tally, let alone blog about it, so I did the diligent thing and wrote my post before I left. BUT SILPHEED, I can hear you ask, how did you know who was going to win and write about it before the election? Good question, self. Obviously I did not know, so I wrote two posts for both possible outcomes.
Since Saturday night, every blogger who didn't confuse the Federal election with the Australian Idol election has been sucking Labor's cock, some expressing jubilation and some (like me) expressing relief. I like to treat my audience with respect. You won't be reading me parroting back what has already been said a hundred times over, you my poppets will be reading the post I wrote for a Coalition win.
What the fuck is wrong with you. That isn't a question, but the heading of a shopping list that I want to tattoo onto every last Coalition voter who thought that giving Johnny a couple more years was a good idea. I will tell you exactly what the fuck is wrong with you.
Maybe it's the circles that I swim in, but I can count on one hand the number of Coalition voters that I know. Where are you? Apparently you exist, but where? In our retirement homes? Our RSLs? I hope that Xenophon guy fucking guts your pokies.
Perhaps Labor voters are more proud of declaring who they vote for, and therefore seem to be more prevalent. Asking someone who they vote for is a bit of a social taboo, which I think is a pity. I find that, like stereotypes and Nintendo Wiis, knowing who someone votes for is a great social time saver.
Ever since Ruddo Baggins slayed Beazley the Lard Grue, poll after poll had Labor well ahead. I know better than to give any weight to polls, but this lead was consistent and had people talking as though a change of government was a real possibility. A lot of consultants are looking very stupid right now.
John Howard has previously said that Australian voters are split up as 30% Coalition voters, 30% Labor voters and 40% swingers. This makes more sense when taken in context, that context being "swingers" is a euphemism for "liars". If you're going to genuinely vote for one party over another, why would you lie about it? Don't lie. Children and governments lie.
Despite my pessimism (or perhaps pragmatism?), you can't all be liars. I have no doubt that some of you walked in to the booth to vote for "the other guys", only to be scared off by the possible change in government. A Labor government? Shit! How do I breathe? Will the sky fall in? What if the postman comes and I'm not home. Where was this apprehension when Keating was turfed out? Change can be scary. My fists can be punchy.
It never ceases to amaze me just how blasé some people can be to what is going on around them. Planet heating/drying/throwing up? Boring. Trying to beat China in a race to the bottom of the labour market? Next. Ignoring bribes to tyrants? Yawn. Now where can I collect my pension?
People vote out governments for the same reason that others vote to keep governments in, they want "everything to be alright". If you brainless sheep would stop huffing your common apathy for one second and look around, you would see that all is not well and that the time for change is at hand. This is nothing new, it has been said by almost every opposition party in living memory, but that doesn't make it any less the reality.
Well, I've had my rant. I'm going to go drown my sorrows and try to think about the good points. I suppose Howard is guaranteed to retire this time, and nuclear power will have a realistic shot. Well that was a short think, but no doubt a long three years.
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i voted liberal, fuck yeah. there's something to be said about voting for a party that can at least spell their party name amirite
and i sure as hell forgot to bring mortal kombat back. suck balls, labor noob.
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