Self harm for fun and profitNot long ago I was having a quiet evening at home, relaxing in bed and contemplating the good Christian deeds I had done that day. All of a sudden I was hit with a constant, pulsing pain in my stomach. I had never felt such pain in my life. I've broken bones, burned myself, even been hit by a car, and this topped them all. When the day comes that I join the void, I imagine that it would feel like this. I was minutes away from clawing my innards out when it disappeared, just as suddenly as it had come.
Bizarre. I meant to get it checked out, but being a human is full of this kind of stuff and I forgot about it. A few days later it hit again, and it didn't go away. This time it didn't feel as severe, possibly because the first time was a fresh and unknown pain. I went to hospital and was injected with WorkingPainkiller™, and then told that I had a gallstone.
Kidz corner: The gall bladder stores excess bile during quiet times and then releases it into the stomach as required to help break down fatty foods. When one's gall bladder contains gallstones, the bile is blocked from leaving. Without the bile it wants, the stomach keeps up its demands of the gall bladder, which sends our blocked friend into a painful spasm. This process is triggered by eating fatty foods. Here's some gallstones that I made earlier:
Those rocks are made of cholesterol and calcium. I probably have a rampaging cholesterol and/or calcium problem that I'm not aware of as well, but one health issue at a time. I thought that gallstones was one of those old people diseases, like gout or voting conservative, but apparently it's based on diet and family history.
A proud young man brought down by an organ he didn't even know he had. The solution is to remove my gall bladder, which I'm told that I don't need anyway. Sounds good to me. In the few days that we've been acquainted it's made itself to be a most unwelcome guest.
Well that's that. Isn't modern medicine great. Someone, pass the chips.
But wait...
In the week since I've learned what was happening, I've been avoiding fatty foods for fear of triggering another attack. I've also lost about 2kg. Eating healthy = weight loss! Who knew!? I sure could do with losing some weight, but I could equally do with sitting on the couch and eating mayonnaise out of the jar. That's my problem, too many carrots and not enough sticks. Could fear be the missing motivator?
Imagine feeling pain whenever you ate something bad for you. Would you continue your bad behaviour, or would you change until the pain stopped? Even a rat can learn to not eat the cheese with wires coming out of it. Mother nature has kindly provided me with electro-shock therapy, even after (or maybe because of) all the disrespect I've shown her in the past. Some people have a scar that tells them when then weather is going to turn. I have pixies inside that kick the shit out of me when I have a burger.
Suddenly my gall bladder situation seems like less of a problem and more of an Intelligent Design evolutionary masterstroke. A system that punishes you with sharp pain not long after doing something bad for your body. There are people who would pay for that. I've decided not to act on sound medical advice; I'll be keeping my gallstones where they can hurt me the most.
I've done some terrible things to my body over the years, in fact it probably welcomes all of the forethought I've put in this time. My e-research tells me that my problem isn't lethal, and indeed people have lived with the pain for years. These people are idiots, but it does show that I can expect to still function as normal. It won't affect my job as I don't operate any heavy machinery, sign any contracts or drive any vehicles. I can still go out to restaurants, I'll just be one of those homos that orders the salad. The pain only comes at night, so I'll have all afternoon to be remorseful after sucking down a deep fried bacon burger.
So let's see how life with a gun to my head goes. With rubber bullets.
*** UPDATE *** I had the surgery in November. No more pain, great call! Educational picture 1. Educational picture 2.
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If you got them removed though you could give your significant other a necklace you "made yourself". Romance...
I'll keep your cautionary tale in mind when I become dr *C. If I find myself an endocrinologist or the like and faced with an overweight "non compliant" diabetic, the handy cattle prod will be my treatment of choice.
Yeah, if you're getting attacks that's probably because the cystic duct is blocked, which can lead to infection and more pain, etc. You can also get numerous complications which i suppose you could deal with if they arise, but personally i'd be interested in not only keeping my gallbladder, but dissolving the stones, and just manning up and eating properly because it makes you feel better, look better and able to do and enjoy more (not to mention you'll be adding years to your longevity, as visceral fat and high cholesterol are pretty big risk factors for all kinds of age-related diseases). So maybe ask about oral or contact dissolution of the stones. Failing that, i would recommend removal, too. Too many nasty complications that can occur that i'd rather not deal with, even if they are somewhat unlikely (although more likely as you age, i especially if you're talking the soft would think). Fatty meals are usually pretty gross anyway, do you really need pain to deter you from sucking down some shitty, overpriced Macdonalds? I know cheese truly is a wonderful substance, especially if you're talking the soft varieties, but once you cut something out it doesn't take long until you're pretty used to it. Plus, you feel all manly for living lean and mean and having some self-discipline.
You should also get checked out for diabetes and cholesterol probs. Knowing what type of stones and if they've calcified would be good. Have you had any type of scan? Oh yeah - apparently dramatic weight loss can cause stones to form, lol.
I had kidney stones last year. Sucked balls. Worst pain I've ever had ever. Though when you piss them out? That's the most satisfying thing in the world ;D
Pssst your deep fried bacon burger link just links back to this post. I've been stuck in this loop for hours. Please save me.
Humph, sorry. I couldn't be arsed fixing it, but you get the idea. I honestly think that some people make the most horrendous food to one-up each other on the Internet.
Hi, you with the gallstones. Your problem is deadly. If you get e stone stuck in the common bile duct the bile can back up into your pancreas and kill you in about 3 days. I know this because my mother-in-law had been having gallbladder attacks for years. With the last one she ended up in the hospital and died from the bile backing up into her panaceas. She was so ill that her blood pressure dropped too low for them to operate and remove the gallbladder that why she died from the infection in the pancreas.
Having said that if you didn’t ‘need’ your gallbladder it wouldn't be there. The gallbladder performs a very necessary function. It concentrates and stored bile to be added, at the right time, to the digestive process to break down the fats and oil you eat into essential fatty acids. That’s why you’re craving fats, your body is telling you that your fatty acid pool is low or close to empty and there are thousands of chemicals produced by the body that need fatty acids. Plus, bile lowers the pH of the stomach acids as the food leaves the stomach to facilitate the rest of the digestion process.
Everything in the body has a function. Some of the organs we can live without but there will always be some repercussion. If you remove your gallbladder the watery bile that the liver produces will be constantly spilling into your duodenum and can cause one or more duodenal ulcers over time. You think you got pain now, wait until you have a duodenal ulcer. You’re going to feel like you have a fire in your abdomen that you can’t put out. You will be living on Malox and Tums and it will only get worse because you cannot shut off the flow of the bile from the liver. And, to be able to digest your food properly you will have to take bile tables with each meal which most people get tired of and stop taking them. Then you get the fatty acid deficiency problem happening.
The solution is to expel the stones from the gallbladder. It’s a pretty easy thing to do and doesn’t cost much. You can do it with products you probably have around you house. If you want to know more e-mail me sindi@bonvida.biz.
Life is no good without a good bacon cheese burger once in a while and with a clean gallbladder you can enjoy them in peace.
Sindi
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